The following questionnaire should be filled out according to
how you feel at the present. Respond with a “True” or a “False”
depending on which choice most accurately describes you.
1. I am easily awakened by noise.
2. When it’s time to make a major decision like purchasing
a house or a car, I usually make that decision.
3. When it’s time to make a major decision about moving,
I usually make that decision.
4. My daily life is full of things that are interesting.
5. I enjoy detective or mystery stories.
6. I work under a great deal of tension.
7. When it’s time to discipline the children, I make that decision.
8. No one seems to understand me.
9. When it’s time to decide about social events with
friends or family, I usually make that decision.
10. I like to be bossy.
11. At times I feel like swearing.
12. I like to get in the last word.
13. I find it hard to keep my mind on a task.
14. At times I feel like smashing things.
15. I like to know the details about other people’s phone
conversations.
16. I do not always tell the truth.
17. I like to have rules and structure for handling most or all
situations.
18. I like to monitor other people to make sure things are
going the way they should be.
19. I like to make sure everything goes according to plan.
20. I am a good mixer.
21. I like to lead conversations or group discussions.
22. I am liked by most people.
23. I get angry sometimes.
24. I may be inclined to interrupt people if they are not responding
in the way they should be.
25. I think most people would lie to get ahead.
26. I am lacking in self-confidence.
27. I am an important person.
28. I have a tendency to manipulate, maneuver, or control
other people.
29. I am a good leader but not particularly a good follower.
30. I like to give directions about driving or other activities.
31. I am happy most of the time.
32. I am a person who, if I am going out for an evening,
likes to decide where to eat, what movie to attend, etc.
33. My hardest battles are with myself.
34. I seem to be about as capable and smart as most others
around me.
35. I tend to overstructure spontaneous time such as vacation,
etc. and turn them into controlled events.
36. I feel useless at times.
106 interpersonal barriers
37. I have ideas about controlling other things with the children
and other people such as how much food they
should have on their plate, etc.
38. I am seen by relatives as being a dominant member of
our extended family.
39. I am the one who usually decides which television
channel to watch.
40. I am the one who usually controls the thermostat in the
house.
41. Criticism or scolding hurts me terribly.
42. I would rather win than lose in a game.
43. I do not tire quickly.
SCORING
The Way of Life Scale uses a technique that, while common in
test construction, is one we have not seen in the other tests in this
book—it uses a number of “distractor items” to disguise the purpose
of the test. So, while 43 items appear on the scale, only 21
of the items are actually relevant to the purpose of the test. To
find your score, count the number of “True” responses to items
2, 3, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 17, 18, 19, 21, 24, 28, 29, 30, 32, 35, 37, 38,
39, and 40.
NORMS
SCORE PERCENTILE
15 85
13 70
11 50
9 30
7 15
Type A personalities are described as ambitious, impatient, harddriving,
time-pressured, and hostile people. This personality
type burst into the public consciousness some thirty years ago
when researchers discovered that such people were prone to
coronary heart disease.
It was noted that while a variety of elements
come together to form the Type A personality, not all of
these qualities are bad, or “toxic,” . In fact,
people with Type A personalities tend to be more successful in
their academic and vocational careers than their Type B counterparts.
Furthermore, Type As are quicker to recognize hopeless,
no-win situations than are Type Bs. There are some good
things about being a Type A, but it can be difficult for these
people to retain the good while ridding themselves of the toxic
components.
Over the past few years, a number of researchers have collected
impressive evidence that anger and hostility are the components
of the Type A personality that are especially troublesome
Researchers wondered if an exaggerated
need for social control, also referred to as “non mutuality,”
might also be one of the toxic elements. To learn if this
might be true, they developed the test .....
When working on a task,
controlling people are reluctant to defer to their partner, even
when it is clear their partner has superior ability. No wonder
these people are so hard to live with.
If you had a high score on this test, the odds are good that
your partner feels resentful about your need to always have
things go your way. And unless you can change your ways, your
relationship is in for some difficult times. Although we have
much to learn about this personality trait, your relationships with
friends and colleagues are probably hurt by your need to control
them as well. High scorers’ pervasive need to be “in control”
makes them insensitive to the needs, feelings, and opinions of
others. High scorers are even unwilling to share the conversational
ball; they need to control that as well. It is often difficult
for controlling people to see their situation clearly, but they give
up the opportunity for warm, caring relationships by demanding
to always be in charge.
If you score highly on this test, it will not be easy for you to
change your ways. Even those who have experienced coronary
heart disease find it difficult to tone down their personalities,
even though they know it may mean the difference between life
and death. I believe the first step is to attempt to fully understand
how your need to be in control is affecting your relationships
with others. Talk openly with your partner and your friends. Invite
them to share with you their feelings about your behavior.
Expect them to be reluctant about being candid: your anger is
intimidating. Understand that their criticisms will elicit an intense
urge on your part to justify your actions. Be calm and patient,
and listen to all they have to say.
Once you are ready to make some changes, begin with the
small stuff. Ask a child to build a tower of blocks or put together
a model without interfering. Yes, you could probably improve on
the child’s effort, but remember, that is not the point. Ask your
partner to pick a restaurant and movie for the evening and go
along with the plans cheerfully. Do not offer your thoughts
about the bad review you read, for instance; simply give up control
for a single evening.
Recognize that there may be some situations in which it will be
almost impossible for you to give up control. In other words, do
not pretend that you and your partner are going to plant a garden
together if you find it intolerable not to do it your way. If you
must, plant your own garden and allow your partner to plant his
or her own.It will be difficult to change and it will take an enormous
amount of self-discipline, but the rewards are great. Not only will
you increase your odds of living a long, healthy life, but you also
will discover the richness of human relationships when they are
based on mutuality and respect. Don’t give up.
Source:Louise Janda
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