A mirror reflects a man’s face ,what he is really like is
shown by the kind of friends e chooses- The Living Bible
One fine day I decided to start this blog,and since then it
has helped me enormously to understand myself and the life better.I don’t
know how much I have been able to contribute in the life of the readers but I
must say it has helped me a lot to gain the understanding ,which I lacked
once..Today I wish to learn something about Friendships…in recent years I have felt
a need to evaluate my present friendships..Its one of the relationships which we
form out side our family but it can be equally strong and bonding…same way it
can have a strong influence over us –either negatively or positively..
I love to read different types of quotes and I honestly feel
that friendship quotes are over-idealized
& over-rated always…but in reality we are often not that lucky to get
ideal friends,may be because people are people.I have no qualification to
criticize those authors but the way people use those quotations all over the
social medias,I often feel that the real meaning is lost…
do we evaluate our existing friendships???seldom.but I strongly feel that as we grow up we need to surround ourselves with people who helps us to grow ,reach our goals .but we should never forget that friendship is a two way process and needs to be healthy ..these days due to many
worldly reasons the meaning of friendships has changed ,it
has become more give –n-take by nature.
not only friendship every relationship can be either toxic or non-toxic.
People’s are like sponges,we tend to soak up everything from
our environment.so if we spend our time with negative friends we soak up those
negative things which affects our thinking and attitude.So its crucial to evaluate
our friendships time to time-even those of childhood friendships, maintained for a long
time.Those who occupy your significant time ,they have the most impact on us.the
friends who leave you emotionally drained ,and low spirit ,Instead of changing
them ,its better to dump them.Staying with negative ,unsuitable friend is
noting but the projection of your subconscious mind.often we fail to grow out
of it ,or shake it off.The well-known
quotes goes like this “Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell who you are”----
so choose people who can take you to the next level.It might sound very selfish
but putting a healthy boundaries is imperative .Its better to share quality
time with old good buddies but don’t waste energies unnecessarily..save it .
our friendships often leads to a co-dependent mode
without our knowledge.It can be very destructive ,making the relationship
more important to you than you are to yourself.
the next question is Are you co dependent? .
I had this experience in my childhood.I was used by one of my friend.In such
situation the friendship becomes a separate entity other than real blood and
flesh people within it.it can become a potent life sabotaging factors.at the
end it started to drain me. often I used to get anxious at the presence of
that person.Nice-Girl syndrome was not far away..I used to act.I used to be the
ideal friend with a bulge of resentment in my heart—I was not living fully…the
cycle of co-dependency needed to be broken.
In such case The first question we need to ask is ,Is this
relationship more important than I am? What price I am paying ? Am I the person
who is putting all the energy in to this relationship,alone??
“Your acquaintances must fill the empire ,your close friend
must be few-Chinese Proverb”
We often make mistake on this point.We often take our acquaintances as our close friends.We have heard many stories where so-called
friends involves in to deceitful behaviors.So always ask yourself ,how healthy
to let this person get close to you.when making these kinds of decision always
take account of the past experiences or other person’s story relating to this acquaintance.Never ever underestimate your gut feeling.it take years to develop
friendships.Dont be quick to judge people positively or negatively.its said
its very difficult to get into people’s heart. But the standard rule is Never
trust some one with enough information to hurt you.control your impulse to
share private information.
Getting manipulated in the friendship is quite common.when
you participate in manipulative relationships you are unwittingly collude with
the person who seeks to control you.Every time you comply,you reinforce it.This
toxic cycle is often compromises our self esteem,value and produce mental
agony.Its a stressful experience as well uncomfortable and unpleasant.A
sense of powerlessness is associated with it---that’s what the manipulator want
you to feel and believe. Manipulation can be intentional or unintentional,but in
both situation once its reinforced the manipulator exerts same negative impact on
the victim.
So ask your self Are you a Soft target?
No relationship can be ideal.its a foolish thing to believe.its only real when you choose to see it that way.but how can we understand
that we are in a healthy friendship? Its very difficult to tell.
But a good friendship will always make you feel connected.Mutual
respect will be there and you will always feel to look forward to meet with
this person.A healthy relationship will have conflict but always lead in to a
win-win situation.a true friendship will be a source of inspiration and it will
evolve and will stand the test of time.we don’t deserve to be treated badly.so don’t
settle with bad friends and be daring to get into new friendships.choose the one
who has integrity and strong value system.look forward to have quality.here I
wish to share this wonderful article with you: are-your-friends-really-there-for-you?
Now a days there is word called frenemy .According to me its
an overrated word.I don’t get the logic of differentiating a sets of people among
your friends who are acting as a friends but at heart they are hateful and
harmful for you.there is no need to award a name of recognition to these kinds
of people.if we listen to our heart and learn from past experience ,we will be able to see that harmful friends has a pattern..but before we judge
people we have to make sure that we are not taking an indirect part in to this.
Some of the traits of bad friends,I will request you to be
careful before you judge people by this criteria one incident cant be
the indication ,so be careful before you come to the conclusion.
Some traits:
- Repeated Breach of trust
- Unreliable or ambiguous about money related issues
- Making you look bad before others
- Back-handed praise
- Competing in a very gross kind of way
- Holding you back to make an improvement in your life
- If you tell the truth ,they cant handle it well
“He who has many friends,has no friends”-Asop
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