Are You a Soft Target for Manipulators?Read each statement below. If the statement is true or mostly
true for you, circle T; if it is false or mostly false, circle F. Be
sure to circle either T or F for every item. No fence-sitting.
1. I should always try to please other people
and make them happy.T/F
2. I have always needed the approval of other people.
3. Other people should be kind and caring to me in return because of how well I treat them.
4. I often feel that I do not have a clear sense of my own identity.
5. Other people should never reject or criticize me because I always try my best to live up
to their expectations, needs, and desires.
6. It is very difficult for me to turn down a request from a friend, family member, or
someone at work.
7. Often, being nice prevents me from expressing negative feelings toward others.
8. I believe that nothing good can come from conflict.
9. I believe that most of the things that happen to me are more in the control of other
people than within my own control.
10. I am always deeply concerned about what others think of me in nearly every area of
my life.
11. I should always try to do what others want, expect, or need from me.
12. I would feel very guilty if I did not make the needs of others more important than my own.
13. I tend to rely more on the opinions and judgments of others than I do on my own
opinions and judgments.
14. My sense of self-worth and value comes from how much I do for others.
15. I believe that people like me because of all the things I do for them.
16. I very seldom say no to anyone who needs my help or wants me to do a favor.
17. I have a great deal of trouble making decisions on my own.
18. I would have difficulty describing who I really am or what I think, feel, or believe
independent of how other people see me.
19. I am easily intimidated by another person’s display of anger or hostility.
20. Other people should never be angry with me because I would go to any length to
avoid conflict, anger, or confrontation
with them.
21. It is extremely important to me to be liked by nearly everyone in my life.
22. I feel that I need to earn other people’s love or approval by doing things to make
them happy.
23. I often say yes when I would like to say no to requests from others.
24. I would go to almost any length to avoid a confrontation.
25. I believe that other people would question
my value as a person if I did not do things
for them.
26. I believe that luck, opportunity, and the
goodwill of others have much more to do
with what happens to me than anything
that I do by myself.
27. I should always try to put other people first,
before me.
28. I think it is my responsibility to calm down
people around me if they become agitated,
angry or aggressive.
29. I often feel confused by all the feedback I
get from others about how to run my life.
30. I want everyone to think of me as a nice person.
31. I believe that I am usually to blame if
someone gets angry with me.
32. I almost never disagree with or challenge
another’s opinion for fear that I might
provoke an angry conflict or confrontation.
33. If I stopped putting others’ needs ahead of
my own, I would become a selfish person
and people would not like me.
34. I believe that I should always be nice even
if it means allowing others to take advantage
of my good nature.
35. I feel that my value is almost entirely
derived from the things I do for others and
from what others think of me.
36. I rely a lot on what other people think of
me to form my self-concept and self-esteem.
37. I generally have to ask lots of people for their
input about nearly every decision I make.
38. I do not think that there is really very much
I can do to prevent or minimize negative
things from happening to me.
39. I seem to need everyone’s approval before I
make an important decision.
40. I believe that it is best just to smile and
cover up angry feelings than to express
them and risk getting into a fight or conflict.
How to Score and Interpret Your Answers
Give yourself a score of 1 for every T you circled. Give yourself
a score of 0 for every F you circled.
If your score is between 31 and 40, you are extremely
vulnerable to manipulation. It is quite likely that several
other people have been pulling your strings for most of your
life. At this point, you are virtually a guaranteed “soft target”
for a manipulator.
If your score is between 21 and 30, you are very vulnerable
to manipulation. You have likely experienced several
manipulative relationships in your life and remain quite vulnerable
to further manipulation in the future.
If your score is between 11 and 20, you are somewhat susceptible
to manipulation. Under the right circumstances, a
manipulator could well gain control over you.
If your score is between 1 and 10, you are only slightly
vulnerable to manipulation. However, you are not entirely
invulnerable; nobody is.
If you scored a 0, you are not an easy target for a manipulator.
However, you would be unwise to believe that you are
completely invulnerable to manipulation. Remember, anybody
can fall prey to a skilled manipulator under the right circumstances.
It is possible that those circumstances have yet
to visit you.
Review the statements that you marked true. Think about
how each statement might be used by a manipulative person
out to gain control over you. In fact, each of the statements represents
part of a belief system that forms the underpinning for
your behavior, moods, and personality traits. These beliefs are
the buttons that manipulators push because they detect them
as your vulnerability points.
by:
Copyright 2004 by Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D.
